Wanting to make things
published on 11.08.24
Printers hum
Wild week.
I feel a strange pull towards creative retreat, to turn inward and focus on the work. But when I open my word processor or pick up the guitar the well feels empty. This is an odd confluence.
I keep trying to listen to my usual podcasts or trying to read an essay which catches my curiosity but abandon them halfway through.
I turn to old friends like coffee, walks, and music.
Work keeps going, the printers keep humming.
I am tired this week. I stayed up to watch the election results come in, ended up in bed around 3 am central. Tessa woke up as I got into bed and asked me if they called it. I told her and we went to bed.
So much analysis happening now, I will refrain from that here. This post isn't for that, it's for searching.
I feel a malaise, it feels like helium in the chest and a tight jaw. This is not related to Trump winning in a direct sense. This is not about internalizing how thoughtless the man we've just elected to "lead" us is oor is his cadre of cronies he will bring along with him. People who are still using the same decades long debunked "studies" to convince young men and "wellness" folks that vaccines are more harm than good. People who tried to pretend both parties contest elections in the same manner despite the reality that conceding with a phone call within a day was the status quo and did indeed occur this time.
The malaise is the end of the year business maybe, or the end of the year blues? This happened to me last year. It's the first time I have looked at it as a pattern. It feels premature to draw any conclusions about it, I may in fact simply be tired and a tad overworked. But still, I feel it's worth noting. It might be that with less than two months left of 2024 I feel my own creative shortcomings as I recount my January ambition. The familiar voice chimes in, such a sweet voice, to cheer me up and remind me of the wonderful things I've done this year. Thanks for the reminder! I remember those too.
Maybe it's as simple as "the vibes are off" this week. At least we have sweet Alfred to cheer us up. Back here in Austin with us for his fifth day and heading with us to puppy training Sunday. I've got a call about a Printernet collaboration so I will stop here. Always helpful to meander with words, even when nothing apparent comes from them. No conclusion or feeling of resolution here, but something always shifts right?
Collected reading on this topic